5:30AM Starts

5:30 – alarm sounds. Ignore. Obviously. Stamp out with finger and enjoy a few more seconds of peaceful —

5:31 – second alarm goes off. Sleep time's up. Remember you have yogurt in the fridge (it’s your sole motivator). Bound out of bed. Wash face. Let yourself still be asleep in your mind. Are you in Perth or Bunbury right now? The world feels disorientated.

5:40 – gobble down breaky as quickly as possible. The quicker you eat, the earlier you’ll arrive at gym. This way you won’t have to say hi to anyone.

6:00 – watch Gossip Girl while getting ready. Wonder why Serena even pretends to be relevant anymore. Wonder what Blair’s skincare routine looks like.

Image Credit: Katie Meili Messersmith

6:40 – rev the car over to gym. Feel half-ashamed, half-smug you’re the only one there. Gym people apparently still have social lives at night. Write for ten minutes on phone while waiting for pre-workout to kick in.

6:50 – reluctantly leave car after deliberately taking too long to write. Glare at treadmill as you set your stuff down on an empty shelf. Feel relieved no one walked to the gym either. You have the entire place to yourself.

7:05 – die a little bit inside when people start trickling in through the doors. Feel unreasonably annoyed that out of the eight treadmills available, someone sets up next to yours. Hope they enjoy your red-faced, sweaty struggles on the treadmill. Remind self they're probably focussed on their own workout.

7:20 –  collapse on treadmill into a puddle of your sweat. Choke on own breath. Blame the person next to you. Wash face in bathroom and continue focus on legs. Curiously eye other gym equipment and wonder if you'll ever be game enough to try working out chicken arms.

8:00 –  head home. Down banana protein shake like it's the elixir of life (it is). 

8:30 – mentally prepare self for day ahead. Go forth.