Weird Things I Hope Other People Do at the Gym as Well

1. Competing against the athlete next to you like a chihuahua trying to win a fight against a doberman. 

2. Taking the act of ripping out a sanitary sheet from the box like a personal fitness test. And failing miserably in front of everyone (who are "obviously" watching and judging you).

3. Taking someone normal getting on the treadmill next to you (rather than all the others currently available) as an invasion of privacy, and then turning up your headphones as loud as possible in case they try to talk. 

4. Taking someone who is extremely muscled grabbing the treadmill next to you as a personal insult. Am I being used like a before-and-after pic where I'm the "before" and they're the "after"?

5. Letting the huge rolls of sweat drip down your face as a show of defiance against the group of hot athletes strolling into the gym. I will not grab my face towel for you (just a few seconds after when you've already gone past)!

6. Getting stressed out like an overworked dish sponge when someone walks too close by you when you're on the elliptical. And working out the argument in your head that's bound to happen if you end up hitting them with one of the levers.

7. Running while texting and wondering if someone's ever going to call you out on it. And working out that argument in your head as well. Yes, I am currently texting my doctor who just told me I have five months left to live. How dare you make assumptions about me!

8. Accidentally staring too long at the female members of staff. How the hell do they get their legs looking that trim?

9. Wondering if everyone else can hear your music and repeatedly taking out your headphones to check. I'm definitely not cool enough to be listening to rap music. Plus I feel like that's more of a strength-training kind of thing, not meant for the scrawny, red-faced chick panting on the treadmill.

10. Leaving the gym way too early, so you pretend to be short on time as an excuse. Don't forget to huff as you repeatedly check your watch and look mildly rattled as you race out the gym doors.